I’m going on a school trip to Coombe Abbey today. I’m really excited, because my cousin, Leanne, says it’s haunted, and once she saw a ghost eating an egg batch in the café.
We had a letter about the trip that mum found in my school bag this morning; it says: ‘wear outdoor trousers’. Mum asks me, ‘What the hell are outdoor trousers?’
The washing machine is broken, so I don’t have any trousers to wear anyway.
The only trousers that we find which we think might be outdoor trousers are the ones Nanny Pam dropped off, for Mum to take to the charity shop. They’re her old jeans. Nanny Pam is quite little and I’m quite tall for my age, so they sort of fit me; they’re just a bit short and very baggy around my thighs, and I have to wear them with a belt done up to the last hole.
We haven’t got much food in the house, so Mum makes a pancake and puts it in a plastic bag for my packed lunch.
I get on the coach, and Zoe from my class says, ‘Are they your mum’s jeans?’ and laughs. I say, ‘They’re my Nan’s actually’, which shuts her up.
I sit at the front of the coach with my teacher, Mrs. Woods. I ask her lots of questions like: Has she ever been to Majorca? Does she know any vegetarians? Has she ever held a lizard?
We get to Coombe Abbey, and walk round for a bit, while a man called Geoff tells us some stuff about the house. He doesn’t say anything about ghosts!
We have our lunch on the lawn outside. I get my pancake out which has gone sweaty, but still tastes aright. I eat it under my coat, because Zoe is looking at me.
After we’ve eaten, we’re allowed to play for a bit. Tom and Sam from my class are climbing a tree, and I’m watching.
I decide to climb a really big tree, because I think Tom will like it if he could see how good I am at climbing. I climb as high as I can and shout to Tom, but he’s gone.
I try and come down but I can’t.
I’m stuck up the tree.
I feel really hot and angry. I think I hope I die up here, so I can become a ghost and haunt anyone from Mount Nod School that dares come to bloody Coombe Abbey ever again.
I start crying; I don’t want to die and be buried in Nanny Pam’s jeans.
I start screaming.
Sam’s Dad, who is helping on the school trip, lifts me out of the tree.
We get back, and its home time. Mrs. Woods goes up to Dad in the playground and tells him how I ran off and got stuck up a tree, and how nobody knew where I was and that anything could have happened.
I’m sat in the car with Dad. He says that this weekend we’re going to the park to learn how to climb a tree and get back down again, after he’s got me some new jeans.