It’s Tuesday and I forgot we do P.E. on Tuesday, which means I forgot got my kit, which means I have to get kit from the Tramp Box. I hate P.E! I was lucky last year and broke my collarbone, so I got out of it for a few months.
The Tramp Box is in the school receptionist's office. I stare at the magic eye picture on the wall in the corridor, while I wait for her to answer the door. It’s a shark. It’s always a shark.
Mrs Minty, the receptionist, asks if I need a hand picking some P.E. kit, but I tell her I don’t, because I like picking my own clothes now. I pick a lime green Hi Tech T-shirt and some Adidas poppers. The Adidas poppers are pretty tight and come up to my shins, but at least they’re cooler than the baggy brown joggers that I had to wear last week. I can’t find any trainers in my size, so I just keep my school shoes on.
When I get back Kevin, the new boy in my class, coughs and says,' tramp', at the same time. He’s been trying to show off by being nasty to me ever since he started. Nanny Pam say’s he’s just jealous. I asked her what he would be jealous of, and she said my personality. I think she was just saying that to make me feel better though, nobody is jealous of a personality.
We’re playing rounders and our teacher has split us into teams. Kevin ‘s been made captain of my team and he decides who gets to bat first by making us all put our feet in a circle. Then he goes round hitting our feet and saying ‘ip dip dog shit, fucking bastard you are not it.’
Kevin cheats and skips everyone’s feet, so I’m out first. I don’t care that I won’t get to bat for ages, I like sitting on the bench and thinking about things, while everyone else runs around like idiots.
It’s finally my turn to bat. I walk up to the spot you have to stand in, and wait for the bowler to get his hands out of his pants and throw the ball to me.
I miss three times and I’m out.
When I walk back to the bench Kevin asks me, ' What the fuck did you do that for?’ I tell him to bog off. When I go to sit back on the bench he shoves me with his shoulder. I hold the bat up in the air and think about whether or not to smash it in his stupid face, but then the teacher blows her whistle at us. I chuck the bat near Kevin’s feet. He screams and calls me 'a psycho'. Even though it didn’t even hit him.
It’s break time, but me and Kevin have to stay in and write a letter to each other. The teacher said that we have to say sorry in the letter and write something nice about each other.
Dear Mr. Kevin Fitzpatrick,
I’m very sorry for dropping the bat near to your body (I’m happy it didn’t actually hit you. I would never have been able to forgive myself if it actually hit you) after you called me a tramp, swore and took the mickey out of me.
I like your pencil case, because it’s Jurassic Park and that’s my favorite film at the moment.
Miss. Holly Patricia Watson
At the end of break we swap letters, Kevin’s says:
To Holy Sorry yor hare is nice.
Nanny Pam picks me up from school. In the car, I tell her about my crap day and show her the letter.
Nanny Pam says she thinks Kevin fancies me and says, 'Sometimes when men behave like arseholes, it means they love you. Just look at your Grandad. He was a miserable arse to me every single day of our marriage, but I knew deep down he loved me and still does.’
I think about whether I could force myself to fancy Kevin back. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m eleven now. Nanny Pam told me the other day about her friend Big Maureen that’s been left on the shelf. I imagine myself sat next to Big Maureen on a shelf in Nanny Pam’s living room. I think I'd rather be sat there for the rest of my life than go out with Kevin!