10am:
Sharky and George is on the telly. Me
and my sister Jenny are eating coco pops from a variety pack. Mum tells us to pour the milk straight into
the packets to save on washing up a bowl. The phone rings and I run over to it. I love answering the phone, especially if it’s Nanny Pam.
‘Hello, who is it?’
‘Which one are you?’ a man asks. It’s Grandad.
11am:
Once every year and a bit, Granddad
makes a surprise visit to our house. I like Grandad, I’m just shy of him
because I don’t know him very well, and his aftershave smells like beef.
One time we all hid behind the sofa until
he went away.
2pm:
Granddad arrives and I hide in the
airing cupboard until mum makes me come out.
It’s July.
My birthday is in December but Grandad has bought a huge pile of presents
for Jenny and me. All the presents are
boxes of cherry liqueurs. Mum says we might be allowed one a night and only at the
weekend as they are alcoholic. Granddad
says they go out of date next week.
3pm:
Grandad takes us all outside to look in
his car boot; this is my favorite part of his visits, because there are always
different things to look at.
This time there are more boxes of cherry
liqueurs, broken video players and ornaments of pigs doing human things like
playing golf or sunbathing. He pulls out a video from the foot well and gives
it to Jenny, it’s an American cartoon called ‘Jem’, and the case smells like
salt and vinegar crisps and cheese. I’m allowed to choose a pig so I pick one
that is loading a washing machine.
4pm:
Mum makes Grandad gammon and chips. He starts telling her about his ex wife being
a robbin’ bitch, and that he should never have left Nanny Pam.
Grandad asks me what my cat is called. I say ‘Tosca’,
and he asks why would I call a cat Tosser? Then puts his cigarette out in his fried
egg.
My Dad gets up and says he needs to take
the car to be washed and asks if I want to go with him. Dad only ever washes
his car when Grandad’s here.
6pm:
When we get back Grandad has gone. Me
and Jenny make things up about things we
saw Grandad do. She said she saw him
take a bite out of a block of cheddar in the fridge. I say I saw him wipe a bogey on her pillow. Jenny
makes me smell the video he gave her, and mum lets us have a cherry liqueur
each.
